I haven't written a blog for a while. Well, actually that isn't quite true. I have written and even published several. But I have deleted each attempt! For me, this is unusual. This blog has never been anything but a pleasure to write since its commencement nearly a year ago now. I enjoy writing it, and have made many discoveries as a result of its presence and format.
The way I usually 'find' a topic to write about, is to sit down, green tea to one side, and just start writing, based on inspiration from recent events in life. Certain moments in life will usually provoke thought within me, that will then later come out somewhere in my writing. And as life has been rather eventful in recent time, this usually isn't too difficult!
So why now, this writers block?
In efforts to secure my writing thoughts again, I have taken up running. A dear friend of mine encouraged me to step outside of the gym studios and brave the outside world. And I'm so glad she did. My summer evenings are now often filled with long, relaxed runs along the Thames path, next to the river. A beautiful place to be and a perfect place to disappear into, lost in thought. Or lost geographically, even!
Now, without the need to escape anymore, I just run because I like to! I like to feel my heartbeat, to place my hand on my chest, and feel the physical response I have from my actions. I have an ever developing fascination with life. As turbulent and fast changing as the last few years of life have been, I now take great pleasure in exploring the abilities I do and do not have. As a result of my explorations, elements and events have appeared in my life that I didn't even know were possible. I didn't know I could learn to speak French! I didn't know I could travel abroad, and be paid for it, as a performer! I didn't even know some of the places I have visited even existed. But how grateful I am to know now - like a delicious, friendly secret I have quietly been let in on.
Forrest Gump lives a blessed life. Within the cinematic tale, he runs just because he feels to, just to give himself some time. No other reason. In doing so, he changes many lives and key historical events in the process. Throughout the film the character inadvertently ends up with awards, commendations, experiences and friends that he never really intended to find. But just by trying everything that was on offer, he lived a magnificent life. Despite negative voices from earlier life, or potential restrictions in his abilities due to mild learning difficulties. He speaks from his heart, lives his life lead by what he thinks is the most important to him at the time, and runs because he can. Quite a life, really. Yes! I know he is fictional! I am aware that Tom Hanks played a character for the commercially viable entertainment of millions. But to me, the message stays authentic. We are all capable of doing amazing things in our lives. We just need to find where our walls and bases are. To springboard higher, to pull ourselves forwards. I am aware that there are other dancers with differing abilities to me. I am aware that other writers have been published already, or have many books in print. But those paths are others. I have my own path to explore and test out. But I try to live in a form that pushes my abilities to the outside of what they might have otherwise been. At least then I know where my limits fall, rather than fearing their shadows.
Admittedly, my writing has been on pause for a little while. A short break. But I couldn't bear to publish something that I wasn't proud of, or that was a 'filler' until the next entry. Running does seem to have eased my writing block, as I sit and type at this moment in retrospect!
Fundamentally, I feel that we cannot be 100% perfect, or even 100% the best of ourselves at all times. But then what really counts as being the best of ourselves? Maybe I haven't written for a little while, but then I have been hugely busy with other projects and creative endeavours. Plus a few gentle jogs along a beautiful river. Just for the sake of it.
Run. Write. Dance. Talk. Photograph. Laugh. Do whatever it is, today, that will be the most of yourself. It doesn't have to be winning a race, or even running one. It could just be to sit quietly, and take a few small moments for yourself. Whatever it is that keeps building you to being the person you always should have been. No matter what.
Until there is Liberty's. Where the stories will develop forwards even further.
Helen Victoria.
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