Monday 26 June 2017

The sounds of circles

‘Music is love. 
Love is all. 
But it cannot be the music. 
The music to the songs of my life. 
I'm trying something new out now. 
A venture of singular piano notes. 
No rush, any longer, for grand crescendo. 
Oh, but when it does…’ 
May Seventh, Twenty Sixteen. 

I wrote the above piece of writing in messy, looping writing in a battered notebook whilst on a train to London. At that time I had just returned from America and was emerging from some months of confusion. After a few years of spinning top decisions, I had found myself back in England. This time around, I was a girl with a plan. 

I returned from my years of following my heart via my passport in the April of last year. As previously documented within my past articles, I had been having an incredible journey through the process of establishing what I wanted in my life, and what I certainly didn't. I toured across the American states as a performer, fell in love, discovered (and then rediscovered) aerial arts, and met with some of my very favourite adventures. As with all the best adventures, I did lose my way a few times. My heart was bruised a few more times. But these experiences were in fact the making of what would come next for me, as I have gone on to discover. 

My return home began a creative journey of transitioning from a show dancer to being an aerialist with my own acts. Of course it’s all dancing, relatively. I can barely brush my teeth without dancing in some way. Aerial apparatus gives me the opportunity to move in new ways, experimenting with weightlessness, and challenging me to create dance within air space. It's been an incredible discovery for me, and a natural choice of direction.

But it has been a very specific change of pace and direction from where I had been headed previously. I have loved my years of 6 month show contracts in beautiful places, dancing alongside some of the most incredible dancers I've known. But the time had come to explore the possibilities of creating my own work, and seeing where it might lead me. 

And so I have spent the last year pouring myself (and my bank account) into pursuing my ambition of becoming a professional aerialist, with my own acts, equipment, and opportunities. It's certainly been a challenge! Dwindling finances, slow progression, setbacks and sleepless nights of worry have been part of my battle. There were months where I still couldn't do even half of the fitness tasks needed to accomplish my dream. Pull ups? Yes, exactly. There were times I sat in a heap on the floor of an empty studio utterly exhausted after another session of practice, feeling I wasn't moving anywhere fast. Those were some of the toughest days of all. 

But then there were other days. Days when I managed to nail a strength move on my aerial hoop that I hadn't expected to be able to. Or the day I went to the post office to pick up my very own aerial hoop, after months of planning and saving for it. There were the days when my website went live, and when I got my first booking enquiry! Although these days were far between at first, they became far more frequent. Like weightless collected treasures, lifting me from one venture to the next. 

As I write this article now, I am currently in the middle of my first aerialist contract, with the wonderful ‘Circus Mash’ company, based in Birmingham. I am registered with two wonderful agencies in London - both of which I dreamt of working with when I was a dancer. I am working on two writing projects part time, and have a bigger project laying ahead with my aerial work. I couldn't be any more grateful for the opportunities that I have, and all the more grateful for the people I've met along the journey who have and continue to make it what it is. This journey is not one of solitude, but one of collected strength. For this, I couldn't be more thankful. 

More than anything, the process has vibrantly revitalised the simple belief I clung to when I started the journey of ‘Liberté’ - that anything is possible when we are freed, using kindness and creativity as a foundation to do so. 

Because it isn't the contracts, the fancy jobs, or even the audience applause I'm truly seeking in my endeavours. Of course, I love what I do. But the true love of my life is in the meaning behind it. It lies in the moments where I pull myself up off that studio floor and out of my negativity, and remind myself of why I write this blog. The meaning is my reason, my motivator, and why I sit here now writing to you. With every last penny and heartbeat. 

I challenge you, reader. Find a tiny adventure in your day today. Perhaps change your route to work and talk to someone new; they might need it more than you're expecting. Send someone a letter, and see where it leads. Perhaps even take yourself on some travels, nearby or afar. Whatever it is you choose, make it fun. In current political times, it's a good a time as any to live our lives to the fullest. Freedom has perhaps never been more important. I receive so many wonderful messages via this blog; messages of readers finding their own processes of finding freedom, and experiences of art and kindness. I meet people on a daily basis who inspire me also to continue on this journey. Every one of you, every moment if kindness and creativity you take part in or share, makes an immense difference - more than you might realise. And in this way we shall continue! 

What’ll your next step be? Your next adventure? I hope it's a good one - I'd love to hear about it. 

With my fullest belief, 

H E L E N  V I C T O R I A  
#liberté



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